Couples:What is a Fantasy Bond?

When it comes to relationships, there are all sorts of different dynamics that can play out. One of the most complex is the concept of a fantasy bond. This occurs when two people appear to have an extremely close relationship, but it is based on fantasy and not reality. In other words, the relationship is an idealization of a romantic partnership and creates the illusion of intimacy. In the long run this can not only be damaging to the relationship but can also hinder individual growth. In this blog post, we will discuss what a fantasy bond is and how it can affect couples.

A fantasy bond is often based on the idea of perfection. This can be seen in how a couple idealizes their relationship and each other. For example, they may believe that they are soulmates or that they have a perfect connection. This fantasy can be created through an intense initial attraction or by relying on certain things that sustain the fantasy, such as sex, money, or power.

While a fantasy bond can initially make a couple feel closer to each other, it is not based on reality and therefore is not sustainable. Over time, cracks will begin to show and the couple may find themselves growing apart instead of together. Additionally, individuals in a fantasy bond often give up their own interests and hobbies in order to focus on their partner. This can lead to feelings of resentment and can ultimately cause the relationship to break down.

A fantasy bond is often formed as a way to recreate and relive past relational patterns. Often our relationships with our parents as children strongly influence our adult relationships. Meaning, we may feel drawn to a relationship that mimics past relational patterns we have experienced with our parents. For example, if we had a parent who was emotionally distant, we may find ourselves in a relationship with someone who is also emotionally distant.

Ultimately, fantasy bonds are created as a form of self protection. They give us a false sense of security and make us feel as though we are in control of the relationship. However, they prevent us from truly connecting with our partner and often lead to feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction.

If you are in a relationship where you or your partner have created a fantasy bond, it is important to recognize where those relational patterns stem from. One way to do that is with a therapist who can help you to understand the root of the problem and address any underlying issues. With time and effort, it is possible to create a healthy and fulfilling relationship.